Merbie Interviews the Season: A Daffodil, part 3

Merbie: Oh, it’s a pleasure. It’s so warm out! And what an incredible surprise to see you—I mean, it’s January 27! I bet you sure are happy to be here.

Daffodil: Well, yeah, I mean…am I happy to be up and about? Sure. Am I worried about what this means for others, the baby birds hatched too early and then frozen later, we’ve all seen March of the Penguins, those eyeballs, right?…and you know, other plants which might be a little hasty with this warm weather, end up what we call Februsicles, sorry I know that’s not what the mommy birds and plants want to hear, heh, whoops…I mean yeah, I’m worried about them. But yeah, it’s great to just get out in the sun, get a little color. Yeah. Your color looks great, as always, Merbie. I think you could warm up a dying baby bird no problem, just on your warm, warm skin.

Merbie:I love hearing this concern for your fellow living things, Daffodil, and I have to tell you, you daffodils don’t have the most…well, really a reputation for being serious, for seeing the gravity in certain situations. What do you think about that?

Daffodil: Honestly, Merbie, that’s what I’m doing here talking to you today. I mean, we all know that this started with the whole Alice in Wonderland flower scene, which really demonized the daffodils, showing us doing something totally fun and funny for everybody like pouring water all over her and then she ends up in a leaf boat, and who doesn’t want some of that on a warm day like today, but she takes it the wrong way, see, I mean she’s probably on her period or something, and they’ve got the daffodils with mean faces just laughing at the sad girl, and we look like a buncha dicks, pardon me Merbie, pardon me. But all the sudden we’re like these villains, and by the way this is not in Lewis Carroll’s original, that man could take a joke, but yeah, since the 50’s everyone thinks we’re just wacky and into laughing all the time and not really caring about others.

Merbie: What do you want to tell them? What do you want them to know?

Daffodil: Well, that we’re into caring and helping and stuff. And, like, there’s a whole association we have for just serious things like that. We’ve got some daffodils doing a lot of volunteer stuff, like the Daffodocents, they work at the serious museums, you know, like the Heart Attack Museum, and more. We have a lot of committees and if anyone needs something, they could ask us and we could even make a new committee. Merbie, I want you to know that I will make a committee for anything you want, any kind of rights for something or save something or whatever. Also, I cried when Obama hugged Gabby Giffords at the State of the Union, so, you know.

Merbie: Gosh, that’s really something, Daffodil. I hope you’ve changed some minds out there. Well, as always, we wrap up with a questions from my favorite book, The Book of Questions. Here we go: For a person you loved deeply, would you be willing to move to a distant country, knowing there would be little chance of seeing your friends and family again?

Daffodil: Oh, Merbie. You don’t know this, but I don’t have any family. Yeah, and people is why, people coming along with their stupid clogs and their special scissors just taking us off to rot inside their houses, so there is no person I love deeply, in fact, fuck all people, pardon me, Merbie, pardon me. But I’m going to replace “person” there with “mermaid or other fanciful creature” and say yes, because as you know I don’t have any family and my friends are kind of a buncha dicks anyway.


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